I’m Good Now…

Each adoption plan I work with is different. When I have a family call and start asking me how many successful adoptions do we have? How many moms change their minds at delivery? How many this , How many that….my response is that I can tell you what happened this past year and the years before that but they have nothing to do with whats going to happen tomorrow. I had an adoption plan this week turn out differently than we had hoped, and yes I am being honest about my feelings about this even though I know that the mother who had intended on placing will probably read this. I will support her decsion and I will assist her in finding the right resources to help her parent because, my work – my drive – my reasons for working in adoption are to find a safe, loving and nurturing home for the child, I want her child to be safe and I have concerns because what made me decide to help her was the day she told me she woke up many mornings wanting to kill herself, she was afraid what that might mean for her child. I work with women who want to or need to choose adoption because I don’t want one more child to enter the foster care system, because I don’t want one more child to ever wonder if they are going to get beaten that morning, or their breakfast money is going to be used for drugs or whether or not they are worthy of being loved. I assist women with adoption planning because they NEED it. I am not part of the industry, I work a part time job to help supplement my income and pay my mortgage. Much of what we make goes right back into the community. I do not entice women with vacations or hopes of a better future. I do talk about what differences their choices make for their children. I’ve heard often enough if we just provided enough resources or adoptive families donated the funding they anticipated spending on an adoption women could parent. I disagree. First it’s not anyone else s responsibility to financially support another human being who shouldn’t be having more children..to have more children. Secondly, we do have community resources, they are not always easy to get, there are waiting lists…just like for everyone else. When I need something I have to work to get it – period. We have generations of families who have learned to live on nothing and will continue to learn to live on nothing because when you have nothing, everything is FREE. Poverty is not a reason to make an adoption plan. An inability to parent is a reason to make an adoption plan and that cannot always fixed. DNA does not give anyone a right to be provided 50 chances to screw up another human beings life. I totally agree with The Primal Wound theory, I totally agree with the hole of separation between child and birth mother and the life long  emptiness or connection. That still does not give anyone who can’t or doesn’t want to or doesn’t have the capacity, or doesn’t want to stop using drugs or whatever …that doesn’t give them the right to screw up a child’s life because they are hurting.It is not a child’s responsibility to fix that hurt, it is not a child’s responsibility to provide support in recovery and a child does not cure a mental illness.  You can accuse me of whatever  you want because of the work that I do, you can point fingers at me, you can call me names if it makes you feel better. But until we start changing the way we look at options – those numbers: 400,000 kids in foster care, the overcrowded jails and prisons, the numbers of homelessness will not go down..they will only continue to go up.

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