I Stand Proud

I have had my fill of chat rooms and FB posts and personal opinions for the week. First let me say I do not have a Masters Degree or a PhD in Sociology or any other field, and this post is ALL MY PERSONAL OPINION.  I work in the streets with my clients. I work in the jails, I work in Child Welfare and Private Adoption. I work with drug addicts and prostitutes. I work with the homeless and the mentally ill. I have been in homes were they were manufacturing meth in the bath tub and had a child sleeping in the next room. I work with women who have been in and out of jail. I work with women and children who have been abused, emotionally, sexually and physically. I assist women with private adoption plans,adoption plans that they come to me to talk about, adoption plans where they make the decision- it is what they want to do, adoption plans that they ask me to help them find a family for, adoption plans where they receive and willfully accept assistance with living expenses. There are no promises made. They make all the choices. They receive counseling and have their own legal representation. I work with girls who have spent most of their lives in foster care. Girls who have bounced in and out of relative caregiver homes, girls whose parents even after years of resources and services provided to them for free – could still not leave their addiction or attend a full series of parenting classes, girls who were abused repetitively by their parents, by the system and by other foster children. I work in adoption plans where mom is the patient in the hospital, where mom gets to decide who is in the room, who holds the baby and who is taking home the baby. I provide diapers and formula and clothes and car seats to women and young girls who need them. I help with getting resources to have a warm place to sleep, a place to get free food for a week. I work with girls who have friends until they need them. I help women who are having there 4th baby and have had 3 removed due to abuse and neglect. I also will provide information about adoption to these women and I am not ashamed of that. There are over 400 thousand children in this Nation in foster care, 63 thousand in my beautiful state. These children did not all get there because of a conspiracy to take children from the poor. Some of these children go in and out becasue we keep providing services to the parents in hopes that family reunification will happen. Someone should have talked to them about adoption ..but that would have been coercion right? It’s why they don’t. Every body is afraid of that word… Children don’t have choices..they don’t get to decide who they will be born to, they don’t get to leave when they are being abused..and yes your right they don’t get to decide if they are going to be adopted. But I have seen enough, too much some days to decide that I would much rather have a child or an adult be upset with me for placing them in an adoptive situation , one that has proven itself to be stable – than to have left them in an abusive one. I have seen babies put in microwaves, I have seen children living in homes where there are drugs being manufactured and I know that some of the women I work with leave their babies and small children in the tub in a motel room to service a “John”. I have seen kids go for days without eating because their parents were on a binge. These are not situations that have happened out of necessity, these women have made choices .. I work with women who shoot up heroin during their pregnancies, who will use their diaper money for a fix..I work with women who will leave recovery to be with their man – leaving the children in foster care even longer.  I work with parents who’s ability to function is so low that they believe their baby is talking to them at age 3 months. For these women, adoption should have been an option..that’s not coercion..that is – make some changes in your choices or provide a life for your baby. Babies don’t have choices…. they don’t have choices about being abandoned, they don’t have choices about who there parents  are they don’t get to decide to leave if they are being abused. This is 2015…..The average age of women entering an adoption plan today is 32 (not a researched or documented fact – just my experience) at 32 you have free will unless you are involved in an abusive relationship/human trafficking situation..you have free will….there are resources to assist..are they perfect? will you get brand new stuff and always have enough? No, will childcare be hard to obtain? Yes but honestly – its hard for most people now a days LIFE is HARD.You have two choices though..parent or not. If you choose to parent then step up to the responsibility.  Yes I know that some regions offer more than others…yes I know given a crystal ball some of us would be able to make better choices or ride out the storms.. I know a lot of women regret making their decision to do an adoption plan several years later..the problem is that several years later we can feel that way about alot of decisions. If you are thinking about adoption..you need to know its forever, it hurts. You need to understand what you are signing up for. Can you step up and make changes to be a parent? I know there are still unethical practices in adoption, I know there are unethical professionals..this is the human race.I also know that there have been amazing changes in policy and practice in adoption. I believe that family preservation is a priority, but circumstances always need to be evaluated and not taken for granted. Adoption is an Option….Does Coercion exist?   Of course it does..but not to the extent that the media would like you to think. I work with women who have shaken their babies until their retina’s have detached….I work with women who have dropped bodies at an ER from a moving car, I have worked with women who will get pregnant just to pay their rent instead of getting a job, Nothing is Black or White anymore..nothing is easy..what should never be a question though is if a child is safe, warm, nurtured and loved. And for this ..I am proud of the work I do..no matter how many blogs or chat rooms say I shoul

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2 thoughts on “I Stand Proud

  1. Hi I wanted to write to say that I thought your article was really good. I am hoping to adopt privately. I do not have the money to go to an agency. And cannot do foster care.but I have adopted before.I know the proper paperwork and already have a lawyer.I have already had background checks and home studies before. Race does not matter to me. I have been married for the past eighteen years. If you know of any children in need please consider contacting me.

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