My Soap Box..

Whenever I sit down to write I always have to remind myself that I own a business and my personal opinions might just cause potential clients to turn and run the other way. Then I remind myself that I am okay with that because it provides a screening process and is actually a time saving element for me , because we are lucky enough to be able to work with who we want to work with and who truly (in most cases anyway) has a heart for adoption and parenting. Adoption is fortunately for those of us who could not have biological children, a way to form our families. What a adoption isn’t is an avenue for those who can’t have biological children an entitlement. What we try to remind our families is this: When we are working with an expectant mom, we are trying to provide a service for her and the unborn child. She is in most cases in a crisis whether it’s situational or chronic and she needs to find a good- loving-stable home for her child. For those who need to adopt for family formation, this works out to their advantage(for lack of a better word) and due to that have to surrender control. Most recently I had someone say ” we feel that no one is advocating for us as the adoptive parent” . I know it feels like this but we are. There is so much case work on a daily basis that goes into working an adoption plan that you may not see. The work is being done with the expectant mom, to ensure a successful adoption plan. I know working towards her needs might not seem like we are advocating for the adoptive family but in the end..what is the goal of the adoptive family? To have a baby. By providing mom with the services she needs and the support that she needs she is in a better position to make a positive choice, an informed choice. Sometimes unfortunately for the adoptive family, and child this choice may not be what we anticipated. Our hope then is to support that woman in her choice and make sure she is getting the resources she needs. So I know at this point some of you may be asking..If we hire Sweet Beginnings Adoptions do they work for us? Yes, completely and fully. We will provide as much support as we can and you will allow us too. We will help you find an adoption situation that fits you and will grow your family. We need you to be the family that the child needs. We LOVE families who want to adopt and parent and be everything for these kids and will be there for a lifetime, good times and bad. Please don’t ever think that we won’t advocate for you..it just may not be the way you envisioned it to be. If we are working with you, we will continue to work with you until your baby finds you. Outcomes just can’t be predicted in this work , but we will always do everything within our means to support your family, even when you may think it’s the end of the road, we will work it out together.
When we go out and talk with organizations I always hope to make people understand, we are not in adoption to help fill all of the family homes who could not reproduce. We do this work because there are so many women out there who need us to. So many children who need us to. I frequently hear the statement “Women in our community do not choose adoption- they choose abortion or parenting” I can tell you that is because of the lack of support and education surrounding adoption. We try to teach that adoption is not giving up a baby…it is not selling a baby….It is surprising how difficult it is to change a mindset. But we keep trying. We remind people that we are not there to talk women out of parenting..we are there to let them know that they have choices. It’s amazing to me that so many can be open to having the right to be part of the PRO Choice movement yet as soon as the word adoption is spoken…forget that they have advocated for choices. Adoption is a choice..it is an option..women should know about this and they will if we have anything to do about it. I don’t want you to do an adoption if you want to parent, or if you are in a position to parent but need a little help. I don’t want you to do an adoption just because you are in jail or using drugs. I don’t want you to do an adoption because you have no money or are not married. I want you to consider adoption if: you don’t want to parent, if you are deep into your addiction and not ready to come out, if you’re incarcerated and don’t have any family support and you are not coming out anytime soon, if you’re living a life of crime and don’t see a near future of positive work soon, if the man who has fathered your child is not a good influence and you don’t feel like you can parent this child with or without him. These are the reasons I won’t you to consider an adoption plan, and I want the people in your life, in your community to accept this and support you. I don’t want you to feel shamed for this decision, or have people questioning you at the last minute making you feel like it was an inappropriate decision to begin with. This is what I want our community to hear. It’s a slow process but we do see some positive movement in the community. We feel blessed to be involved in this work, we feel blessed to be part of the adoption community, we feel blessed to be able to support our children’s birth moms in a way that honors the decisions they each made ( not to glorify them , but to provide empowerment and help to remove the shame) We feel blessed because we hope to be part of something that changes mindset so that as we’ve seen happen in the last 10-20 years in ethical open adoptions our children and the next generation, will understand – they weren’t “given away” .

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