We always get asked this question by families who come to us waiting to adopt. I think it’s one of the questions that is listed on the “What questions should you ask when interviewing agencies, attorneys or facilitators”.
We work with women who want to consider adoption planning. The women who are referred to us or who come to us are from all different backgrounds. They run the gamete from being 16 and drug free to 40 and methamphetamine addicted. Their reasons for considering adoption are just as varied..wanting to finish school to being so enthralled in their addiction that they can’t take care of themselves let alone another. They are all different ethnicity’s and socio economic backgrounds. Some are educated and some are not. Some have had children and relinquished before, some have never had children, and some have children and this is their first consideration of adoption. Although so different from each other many of the women we serve are so alike. They come to adoption because they need another option. Women don’t come to adoption to serve the families that need to adopt. I saw a really great response today on facebook and I think it says it better than I can –
“I did not give the gift of a child to this woman, I gave the gift of this woman to my child”
I think it’s important for potential adoptive parents to hear and remember this, while going through their journey and after placement. We are (yes we..I’m a mom times 4 because of adoption) lucky that the adoption option exists. Not all of us came to adoption because we wanted to provide a home for a child, we came because we needed too if we wanted to parent. I know that many people don’t feel represented or protected as potential adoptive parents, I’ve heard some say they even feel captive to the process. I am the last person to tell someone not to feel because it you don’t allow yourself to feel it just causes other problems BUT honestly…women don’t relinquish or loose their parental rights because someone wants to adopt. They do so because they need to..they may not even want to but they have too. When they do there needs to be a great home for that baby, and that’s what adoption is. We work with the women who need to find a great loving home for their child, a home that they cannot provide. A family that will love and support their child, a family that is forgiving and accepting, a family to deal with every bit of history that child comes with. That is adoption.