This is the Day , Let us rejoice and be glad in it…..

I woke up this morning feeling stronger and never more sure about what we do and why we do it. Things are falling into place for Sweet Beginnings and even though sometimes it feels like it is in slow motion – it’s happening. I needed to write today and it may seem like things are out of order it’s only because I have so much to say. Right now we are working with a young girl, just turned 16. She is due next week and is matched with a great family we have known for a year now. It will be a closed adoption at the expectant families request. This young girl was adopted herself through the foster care system. She is one of a group of 4 siblings who R. and her husband adopted. R is in her 70’s and her husband has recently passed. She is a powerhouse and a fierce advocate for her children. Her history is such that her siblings were going to be placed in foster care 50 plus yrs ago and she got married and fought to get them into her care so the system couldn’t take them. Each week when I take K to the doctors I have to sit an d listen to this MD who spends 5 mins a week with his patient tell me how many adoptions he has been involved in and how he usually doesn’t deliver his patients he is going to this time because of K’s age and then he goes on to tell K she has a right to change her mind at any time about her adoption plan and she may want to after she delivers because she’s certain to feel different. I usually sit and smile knowing that we are going to be out of his reach in just a minute or two. I understand that he feels he is advocating for a patient, but this man knows nothing about this girl. He knows nothing about what happened to her from birth to age 3. We had to go into the hospital yesterday to be evaluated. A resident came into see her, didn’t look at her chart, saw that she was just 16, and instead of talking with me or the nurse caring for her called in the hospital Social Worker. They both then went into talk with K without letting me know this was going to happen. I was the adult with her. She was terrified. All of these people who have never spent time with this family, have never spent time with this young girl, whose only real relationship with her should have been to handle her obstetric care, felt a need to talk with her about her adoption. To question her understanding, to make sure this is what she really wanted. WHY??? What the Social worker and Dr didn’t know before they went in and talked with this young girl by herself was that she would be traumatized by that..she was upset that I was not in the room with her, that she didn’t know where I was. She was traumatized by years spent in the system and time with Social Workers and the threat of always being taken away. Why did these three people who were not involved with her adoption planning think that they were supposed to rescue her? Rescue her from what? ME? Adoption? Why do people think that when you talk with a woman about adoption that you are trying to coerce her? Why is it so hard to think that adoption is good. Why is it only okay after a family has been traumatized? Why is it only okay after a child has been abused or neglected? Why is it okay for a judge a court of law, an attorney whose only contact with a family is the 5 mins before the hearing when they read the previous notes to have a say in what is right for this family? Why is it not okay to offer adoption as an option to a woman who is clearly struggling. To offer her a choice , to choose a family and then have an opportunity to have a relationship with that family and her child forever? Why is that coercion to offer that? Why do you ask a woman why she is “giving up her baby” when she makes a decision for her child to have an opportunity for a better life.It’s attitudes, misconceptions and peoples own values that continue to make adoption a “shamed based” option. It’s all of this that continues to place stigma on children of adoption.
We recently mailed out some brochures to crisis pregnancy centers in California. I received a message today and this is how it went” Hi this is xxx from xxx. I received some of your brochures and have some questions – Who is your Director..Do you work with gay families and are you Christian based. If you don’t call me back and let me know I will just throw away your brochures” Well She can throw away our brochures because I won’t call her back…I work with my husband, we don’t have a director because we are not a non profit. We DO work with families who are Gay/Lesbian and yes we are Christians but our organization is not. I am so saddened by all of the people who that organization will come into contact with, and all of the other crisis pregnancy centers who share the same values, and there are many. How can someone who professes and advertises to have a relationship with God, exclude and pass judgement?
We have a call scheduled with the Director of Programs of a huge Rescue Center next week. I see this as an answer to many of the prayers and favors I have been asking of God recently. We have a mission statement and fiercely believe in it, but I think that I have been intimated still and may not have been as aggressive in moments that I could have been. The two experiences I shared above I am grateful for , they were my ah ha or light bulb moments, I feel awakened and ready. I feel committed to help these woman and families who are stuck in between, to really advocate for them. I still believe that people have a right to their opinions and beliefs, but the doctor above will never take care of another woman I am working with and the Social Worker and the resident will hear about the trauma they caused K. My hope is not to make them feel badly but to understand adoption is okay. And to the Director of a Child Abuse Council that once told me” Adoption is never the Best Option” I will say to her ..Oh yes it is and here is why!………


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