Why can’t we just get along???

I can understand why adoption can be confusing to families who are trying to figure it all out. I’ve been doing this for almost half of my life yet it’s still confusing to me sometimes. What I find most confusing is this: why do adoption professionals, attorneys- agencies – referral services and those who claim to be adoption advocates disagree so much..talk about each other and try to disqualify each other? If we all all supposed to be focusing on what is best for the family, for the child..why do we not hear each other, support each other, think outside of our own thoughts?
I read a paper recently written for the Quad A Attorney organization about facilitators and it was horribly negative and yet many Quad A attorneys use facilitators to help match their families. We had a family tell us recently that they heard facilitator s had the most disrupted adoption plans? I’m not sure where this statement comes from but I would love to see the statistics? I’m sure it came from someone trying to discredit facilitators due to their own personal bias. There are many facilitators I choose not to network with , just as there are many attorneys and agencies I choose not to work with, but that doesn’t mean the whole of a group.
I often hear others say we can’t partner, network or you shouldn’t use a professional if they are not non profit? What about being non profit makes them more legit? Non profit status really means that you get a tax credit. Yes there is a Board of Directors but many times it is comprised of people who have been hand chosen by the organization. Non profit does not mean that people don’t get paid. It doesn’t make a mission statement any stronger or ethical. What makes an organization ethical are the people within.
So if you are in the process of deciding who to use for your adoption, make a list of questions, before making the call. Ask if they network with other adoption professionals in their area or other agencies that serve families and children. That’s always a good sign of an ethical provider. One that plays well with others. Listen to how many people they talk negatively about during your conversation. Are they needing to discredit others to make themselves appear better? Asking for referrals is good..but really is anyone going to give you a name of someone to call who is going to provide a negative experience? Use the internet but don’t get sucked in…some people you will notice spend an awful amount of time in chat rooms. Some of this advice may be good but don’t rely on it entirely.
I hope to wake up one day and find that we are all able to get along..that we could rely on each other to help others realize their needs..but until then I will just do the best job I can.


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