I see so many families sabotage their adoption journeys due to the “what if’s? What if she has this or what if she has that . If we all stopped to take a moment and look at ourselves, at who we are and where we came from and the mistakes we made.. we are not too much different then the women that some families pass over because they want a scenario that they think is closet to their own.”What if” I was able to biologically create..I’m telling you it looks pretty scary. Both my husband and I are full of “what if’s”. We both have alcoholic parents and grandparents. Aunts and uncles who are in recovery for drug use. We both have immediate relatives who live with schizophrenia. I choose food and codependency to self medicate with. My husband chose procrastination. I wonder if we had been able to reproduce ? What would we be dealing with today? It wouldn’t be the 4 beautiful children whose boo boo’s i iced or whose vomit I cleaned up (actually my husband gets credit for that one) whose swim meets I cheered at or high school graduations I witnessed. I wouldn’t be the kids who tell me daily and weekly that they love me. Twenty years ago when we first adopted..we didn’t have the same information readily available today. We didn’t know our oldest son’s birth mom was bi polar, we didn’t know our twins were exposed to alcohol prenatally…we did know that our daughter was exposed to meth amphetamine but by that time understood that all of those things didn’t matter to us. My hope is that families step back and think about what adoption is and what it’s not.