When a Family Pressures a Woman to Parent

Just a couple of weeks ago one of our expectant moms delivered. She is 19 and this is her second child. She sought out the help of an adoption consultant through her midwife. She is living with family members having her second child with the same man and he is not involved in her life or the first child’s. We provided counseling for her and she was sure of her plan. Her family was not, they were never on board and would not meet with any of us. Our expectant mom kept confirming that she was sure of what she needed to do but knew it would be hard. She chose a family to adopt her baby and this family was open to keeping her in their lives, and embracing her family.

When it came time to deliver, her family put too much pressure on her..telling her they would disown her if she followed through with her adoption plan. She took the baby home from the hospital, the adoptive family returned home without the baby they had been anticipating for 2 months.

Our birth mom returned to her midwife the following week. She is depressed and not bonding with her baby. She is angry with her mom for not allowing her to follow through with her plan. We have once gain at our expense provided counseling for her. I am hurting for her. Hurting for her 2 year old daughter, for her newborn son, for our adoptive family, and I think most for her mom who instead of looking at who her daughter is, looking at what her daughter tried to tell her she couldn’t do, for not being able to see past her grandson as an object of ownership. I am afraid for this young mom and her children.

There are so many negative stories about adoption, I know that’s part of why this grandmother is opposed to having her grandson involved in an adoption plan, she fears for his safety, she thinks she will never see him again.I wish they would let us share with them, what adoption is really about. They tell his young mom that he will never know that she loves him. We know that’s not true.

This is National Adoption Month. Most of the stories we will hear will be about foster care. I’m encouraging you all to share your positive stories about private adoption too. Adoption is not the same as it was in the 50’s and 60’s. Our children grow up now knowing they are adopted, and many continue to have relationships with birth families. Our children do. We will find another birth mother for our family and maybe it was not in God’s plan for this boy to be part of their family, only the future can tell us this.

Please pray with me that this young mom, her family, this new baby boy will be okay. That they will find their way – that they will be safe.


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